“Cynical is a word used by the naive to describe the experienced.”

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”

“If ignorance is bliss, then slap the smile off my face.”

“For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”

“Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If they’re any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.”

“I would RTFM if there was an FM to FR.”

“There exists a type of joke that makes you feel clever for getting it. Do do confuse this with actual humor.”

“If you think that disagreeing and offering excellent reasons for your thinking will change anyone’s mind, you must be new on this planet.”

“Almost all programming can be viewed as an exercise in caching.”

“Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.”

“You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic, but you cannot have both at the same time. (Bertrand Meyer)”

“The only two things you can truly depend upon are gravity and greed.”

“Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.”

“Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins.”

“Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.”

“Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.”

“Let us change our traditional attitude to the construction of programs. Instead of imagining that our main task is to instruct a computer what to to, let us concentrate rather on explaining to human beings what we want a computer to do.”

“You dance with the ones that brung ya, I guess.”

“Zuerst hatten wir kein Glück, und dann kam auch noch Pech dazu.”

“When in doubt, assume my tongue is in my cheek.”

“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!”

“When a coward sees a man he can beat, he becomes hungry for a fight.”

“When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross.”

“I’ll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. ‘I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.’ ‘I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.’ ‘Hey, wait a minute, there’s one guy holding both puppets!’ ‘Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid. By the way, keep drinking beer, you fucking morons.‘”

“Why shouldn’t I work for the N.S.A.? That’s a tough one, but I’ll give it a shot. Say I’m working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I’m real happy with myself, ‘cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem... [More]”