Mike Rowe is Sleeping with Your Wife (In Her Dreams)

So, there’s this show on the Discovery Channel called Dirty Jobs starring a fella named Mike Rowe. He’s got an all-American blue-collar image and he’s popular enough with the geek crowd to have attracted the attention of Reddit, which invited him to answer some questions. The final question in this video involves his obvious appeal for the ladies: “Is there any chance you’ll stop having sex with my wife in her dreams?”

His answer is absolute comedy gold, from the writing to the timing to the delivery. The video’s cued up to that point; if the cuing doesn’t work, scroll forward manually to 7'28".

reddit.com interviews Mike Rowe (3 of 5)

I’ve taken the liberty of transcribing Rowe’s answer below, but it’s much, much better if you just let him tell it.

“[User] says: ‘Is there any chance you’ll stop having sex with my wife in her dreams? It’s getting pretty old, Mike. [pause] ‘No, man, there’s no chance of that. That ain’t gonna happen. [chuckles] Sorry. Uh, look. My mother could watch this, right? Let me … I’ll make you a deal. I can’t stop having sex with your wife in her dreams because they’re her dreams and we’re all individuals living in a self-actualized world, free to dream about that which we choose. However … I feel you, what you’re saying … it’s gotta be awkward. So, I’ll do this: I will stop … performing in your wife’s dreams to the very best of my ability. Which I have been doing, to be candid with you. I mean, I’ve been … knocking the bottom out of that thing. I don’t want to brag, but it’s been … I mean look, man, I’m 47 years old; I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was. You know what I’m sayin’? … Your wife does. But that’s gonna change, from now on, starting tonight, I’m gonna be there, in her dreams, but it’s ultimately going to be a little disappointing … for both of us. You’re welcome.”

The expression “knocking the bottom out of that thing” just lingers.