Capsule Movie Reviews Vol.2012.5
- Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) — 5/10
- This sequel, worse than the original, is, on top of it all, showing its age. This time, Max cynically helps a settlement try to get petrol while the forces of Humungus (the evil, Bane-like leader of the marauders) try to destroy them and steal all of their supplies. Everything is very post-apocalyptic and the final half of the film is an interminable truck chase across the Australian wastelands. Not really recommended; watch the first one instead.
- Beverly Hills Cop II (1987) — 6/10
- Eddie Murphy before he sold out and started making awful, awful films that cater to the infantile. He’s pretty funny as Axel Foley and talks a good game. Taggart is horrible, but Judge Reinhold isn’t half-bad. The plot is forgettable and there are interminable shootouts in the second half that drag the film down. The first half is better and funnier.
- Star Trek IV – The Voyage Home (1986) — 6/10
- A science-fiction movie that spend a lot of time on modern-day Earth—well, 1986 anyway—trying to rescue humpback whales. Despite having lived through it, it’s hard to even imagine an America where a successful action-movie franchise dedicates an entire sequel to a full-length Greenpeace commercial. Basically, the 23rd-century Earth had long since killed off the humpback whales, but a huge Rendevous-with-Rama-like vessel appears and threatens to destroy the Earth unless it can talk to humpbacks. So what do you do? Send the original by-now sexagenarian crew back in time in a Klingon vessel to kidnap some humpbacks to save the Earth. Easy-peasy. It wasn’t terrible and it was kind of funny in places.
- Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) — 6/10
- Better than expected, actually. I can’t imagine having spent actual money to see it in a movie theater, but it definitely had its moments. Cusack always plays the same guy, but he plays him really well. Rob Corddry is pretty damned funny and plays the psychotic asshole of the group, rounded out by Craig Robinson, whose main decent moment is when he jumps on stage and knocks out Jessie’s Girl with aplomb (followed by Let’s Get Retarded, a massive anachronism). Crispin Glover plays a bit part as a bellhop. It’s about time-travel to the 80s, so there are the requisite jokes about walkmen and clothes and hairstyles, but also some interesting bits where the guys from the future totally forget that there was no email, no internet, … no nothing. It’s fun if you’re the target market, which I am.
- Toy Story 3 (2010) — 7/10
- Andy’s all grown up and the toys haven’t been out of the toy chest for years. They’re torn between being there for their owner and wanting to do that for which they were made: play or, rather, to be played with. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the movie was a lot darker than I expected and the parts with Buzz Lightyear in alternate-language mode were truly inspired and made me grin, if not laugh right out loud. Saw it in German.
- Demolition Man (1993) — 8/10
- Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt and Denis Leary in a futuristic America where sex and violence and even cursing have been eradicated. Stallone and Snipes are a cop and super-villain, respectively, woken from cryo-stasis by forces vying for control of this future city. Bullock plays a cop who’s a fan of the 20th century. Stallone is constantly exhorted to “enhance his calm” while machines all around him constantly spit out fines for swearing. Both Stallone and Snipes are in their prime and the plot is amazingly good for an action film. Highly recommended.
- The Jerk (1979) — 7/10
- Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters in a story about Navin Johnson (Martin), a stupid young man adopted by a black family…who doesn’t know he’s not black. He eventually leaves home to seek his fortune, bedazzling people with his disarming ignorance along the way. There are some memorable lines—“He hates these cans!”—but the film is otherwise pretty dated.
- Sennentuntschi (2010) (ch-de) — 7/10
- A Swiss thriller telling one story of a trio of farmers (Sennen) in a mountain hut and another about a police chief investigating a crime in the valley below. The two tales are tied together by a girl. Is she called forth by the drunken rite of the farmers, performed according to legends of the Alps? Or is she something else, someone else, from somewhere more prosaic? It’s kinda hard to follow at times and portrayed the Swiss mountain folk as exceedingly coarse (much as Verdingbub did). The story was quite interesting and the movie was a good deal cleverer than I expected from the trailer (it looked like a pure horror film).
- Today’s Special (2009) — 7/10
- Aasif Mandvi wrote and starred in this film about an Indian sous-chef, originally from Queens but working in Manhattan. The story template is standard: there’s a love interest that works out, he has to reconcile with his family and his roots, there’s a business to save. It’s well-executed and spiced up by Naseeruddin Shah as Akbar, a taxi-driver, raconteur, world-traveler, expert chef, singer, lover and indomitably positive individual. Aasif does a great job on the Daily Show and it’s nice to see him making his own movie. Recommended.
- I Love Democracy: USA (2012) (de/fr/en) — 6/10
- A documentary about the Obama presidency as viewed from abroad. It examined the reality of his presidency versus the perception of it within the States. It was in French and English, but I saw it with German dubbing.
- Homeland – Season 1 (2011) — 6/10
If Americans paid as much attention to the news as they did to Homeland, they would be much better informed about the world. Paying attention to Homeland, however, is not a substitute. As with many police dramas, the technology on display—and the power it grants to those wielding it—is overstated in its efficacy. The efficacy of the CIA is overstated as well. Nuggets of truth are scattered few and far between: in the meantime, we are treated to a romp over citizens’ rights with seemingly no checks on CIA power of any kind.
There are some interesting bits and the main story arc is interesting, if not entirely novel (Manchurian Candidate anyone?) but the problem I have is that no one is really likable. There is no one with any honor or redeeming qualities. Saul—played by the excellent Mandy Patinkin—talks a good game, but he’s evil with no compunction about running roughshod over the Constitution and has 100% faith in his and his partner’s hunches. CIA Director Estes is no better, playing an immoral chief to a fault. Carrie swings between abrasive and annoying but shows likewise no respect for rights or rules of evidence or courts of law. Sergeant Brody? He’s not horrible and is probably the most interesting and consistent of all the characters. His family? Execrable. OK, fine, the son’s OK, but he’s a milquetoast. The daughter is a caricature of a preternaturally bitchy teenager—anyone sane would have long since put her out of her misery. Brody’s wife? Takes up space, I guess. And a lot of the show is taken up with conversations between all of these horrible people.
Spoiler alert: and towards the end, the dullard daughter all of a sudden turns into freaking Nancy Drew. Why? Just ‘cause, that’s why. Why does Brody have cell reception in the underground bunker? Just ‘cause, that’s why. Arrrgggh.
- Descendants (2011) — 4/10
- George Clooney stars in a movie about rich people living in Hawaii. The only problem his family has is that his wife is in a coma because she got into a boating accident while water-skiing. The kids are awful, useless creatures and, of course, the film focuses almost exclusively on them. The teenage daughter—as in Homeland—is a horrible, horrible person who should be drowned in the pool she refuses to clean. Why on earth do people with children want to watch movies of children treating their parents badly? Is this some sort of self-perpetuating torture? Some form of masochism? And then there’s Sid, who’s schlepped all over with the family? Why? Because the older daughter says so. The second half of the film is better, but still not much to write home about. The main plot point is resolved with almost no fanfare. Clooney fans will like it, but I can’t recommend it; I couldn’t wait for it to end.
- Burlesque (2010) — 8/10
- A predictable story-line does nothing to take the shine off of this fun and happy movie. Christina Aguilera is no great shakes as an actress, but holy crap can she sing. And dance. But mostly sing. And Cher’s pipes aren’t too bad either when she’s not auto-tuning the crap out of everything. Stanley Tucci puts in a wonderful and well-written performance, as does Alan Cumming in a bit part. The movie drags its feet a bit in resolving the plot, but the musical numbers scattered throughout are fantastic.
- Rock of Ages (2011) — 5/10
- A movie about 80s rock and roll starring a horde of famous actors, including Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin, Tom Cruise, Paul Giamatti, Bryan Cranston, Catherine Zeta-Jones and probably more that I missed. Unfortunately, it’s a musical that devotes at least half of the time to set musical numbers starring two complete unknowns who are neither funny nor interesting. Plus, they tend to sing Foreigner songs rather than any actually good music from the era. And the dialogue! Oh the spectacularly shitty dialogue! The film has its moments: Brand is kind of funny and Cruise plays well, although the initial delight at his depiction of a whacked-out rock star fades quickly as you realize that that’s all he’s going to do for the film. Overall, I was pretty disappointed and can’t recommend it. If you want a musical, watch Burlesque.
- Gentlemen Broncos (2009) — 3/10
- An awful film in the “hey look at me, I’m just like Wes Anderson” genre, but with people whose quirks aren’t amusing—they’re boring, if not downright horrifying. The movie’s about a young man who writes the most execrable science fiction. One of his stories is stolen by a popular author, also famous for writing execrable science fiction. The movie tries to be ironic about the horrible novels—and their film adaptations—that sometimes attract the most ardent fans. Instead of ironic, it winds up being as awful as that which it attempts to parody. I watched it because I saw that Jemaine Clement of the Flight of the Conchords was in it. He was pretty disappointing as well.
- Game of Thrones: Seasons 1 & 2 (2011-2012) — 10/10
Well-written, well-acted and engaging. Lots of swords and violence, but also a thorough back-story for dozens of characters. The myriad locations keep things interesting—from wild, snowy wastelands to broiling deserts to castles in the dreary north and castles in the sunny south—and some characters really stand out, happily enough (unlike Homeland).
The series seems to hew to the plot of the books quite strictly, though I haven’t read them (yet).[1] Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister is, hands down, the best actor in these shows, but Jamie Lannister, Lord Baylish, Lord Varis are also quite fun to watch. And Bronn! How could I forget about Bronn? He’s awesome, too. Has one of the best lines in the show, in season two, episode seven. And briefly, there is Jaqen H’ghar, one of the Faceless Men. I hope he comes back.
The books are famous for having strong female characters—and some are quite strong, though almost unreasonably so, with Deus Ex Machina used heavily to keep them in power and firmly planted on their world-line to their exalted destiny. The men are bastards, but so are the women, so I guess that’s fair. As in Tolstoy’s most famous works—which also deal almost exclusively with royalty and nobility—the elite are portrayed as spoiled, stupid, greedy and often inbred, often with horrendous consequences. This may sound horrible, but it’s really quite fun to watch. It’s more than interesting enough that I can completely forget that I am, for the most part, watching yet another long movie about the nobility.
Spoiler alert: It is, for example, quite lucky for the Mother of Dragons that her captor, who seemed otherwise so transcendently intelligent, forgot that dragons breathe fire. Or the succession of happy accidents that keep Queen-Regent Circe inexplicably in power. Queen Stark also started out much better and quickly devolved into a “screw the whole world, I just want to save my sweet babies” kind of mother, which is more of a reflection on the author’s attitude toward women, I think. Either women enjoy being portrayed as unprincipled creatures whose mothering instinct is over-arching (this depiction also applies to Queen-Regent Circe) or the show’s depiction of women is not as refined as we have been led to believe. Also, if you’re not a queen, you’re a whore. Still, there is strong evidence that, though the main plotline deals with the what is called The War of the Five Kings (a misnomer, because it ignores the king North of the Wall), it could just as well be called the War of the Five Queens (I rounded the very crafty daughter of the Iron King up from a princess to a queen).
- Chocolate (2008) — 8/10
- Act one of the movie features Zin (female Thai muscle for a Thai mob boss) and Masashi (a Yakuza boss). They fall in love, her Thai boss forbids said love—the Thai gang are all pretty much batshit crazy—and Masashi returns to Japan, but not before planting a baby in Zin. Zen is born autistic. Years pass. She has crazy-good reflexes and learns martial arts from the television faster than Keanu Reeves in the Matrix. I’m not making fun of this movie. It was awesome. Especially once the fighting started. JeeJa Yanin (the actress who played Zen) is a uniquely gifted fighter, with an economy and elegance of motion that is simply breathtaking. She’s a third-degree black belt in Tae-Kwan-Do but her style seems to be a combination of that mixed with other styles; she throws a lot of elbows and knees, Ji-Teks and fights right-side forward. She throws very few punches, but feints kicks like nobody’s business. Recommended for fans of the form.
[1] I admit that this HBO series has piqued my interest for tackling the books—at least the first one, anyway.↩