Predictably, the Onion headline this morning:

Bush Vows To Do ‘That Thing Gore Just Said, Only Better’

BOSTON— Responding to debate opponent Al Gore’s promise to pay off the national debt in 12 years by devoting $2 of projected surpluses toward debt reduction for every $1 used for tax cuts, George W. Bush vowed to do “that thing Gore just said, only better” during Tuesday’s presidential debate. “Yeah, that debt thing,” the Republican candidate said during his allotted 90-second rebuttal.... [More]

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle.
 
While in the lounge, I notice Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac.I was meeting with a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late.
 
Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself.I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how much I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick “hello Chris” at me when I was... [More]

I was very skeptical about this site at first, but it’s pretty funny.

http://www.mulletsgalore.com/

Nike now lets you personalize your shoes by submitting a word or phrase which they will stitch onto your shoes, under the swoosh.  So Jonah Peretti filled out the form and sent them $50 to stitch “sweatshop” onto his shoes.

Here’s the responses he got… fun and games with Nike…

From: “Personalize, NIKE iD” <nikeid_personalize@nike.com>
To: “‘Jonah H. Peretti’” <peretti@media.mit.edu>
Subject: RE: Your NIKE  iD order o16468000

Your NIKE iD order was cancelled for one or more of
the... [More]

http://www.oldmanmurray.com/realnews.wcs

Read the one from 08/08/2000.

Discussion of user-interface paradigms and logical conclusions. ‘Files’ and ‘Folders’ are obsolete. Computers should only deal with ‘things’, each of which have ‘properties’. These ‘things’ can be grouped by an number of properties, using a search or ‘query’. That’s it. He addresses the need for a view on your data that lets you see an email on the same footing as a file. It’s brought together is something called a ‘lifestream’, which is a date-ordered stream of data. Sub-streams are created by... [More]

Go to http://www.somethingawful.com/ for a nice analysis of a typical news report in America today.

The piece is from 6/16/2000 (Today).

Three contractors were touring the white house on the same day. One was from New York, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors the guard said “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys look at it and give me a bid.”
So to the back fence they went. First up was the Florida contractor.

He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some... [More]

Slightly Upset Woman

http://www.crazy-bitch.com/

How do you vote?

There he is. I can see him through the car window. He’s trying out the roof of City Hall this time. Rudolph Giuliani always is a little man in search of a balcony.

We pull up to what was once the public entrance to the plaza and steps of City Hall in New York City, a lovely old building where once they held a wake for Abraham Lincoln and a wonderful, shrieking celebration for Charles A. Lindbergh.

And now they have black iron picket fences and gates stopping any car from going in without a... [More]

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says,

“Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk looks back and says, “Yes sir, I am.”

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

“Have you found Jesus?” the Minister asked.

“No, I didn’t!” said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for... [More]

http://www.theonion.com/onion3616/american_people.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3612/us_population.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3608/wdyt_3608.html

(I like Jenkowitz)

FBI To Require Background Checks For Child-Care Providers.

Girlfriend has never seen Apocalypse Now.